I'm sure it's easy to figure out how I feel about what happened at the end of Legacy of the Force: Invincible. Not only did my favorite character die, but he obviously took my favorite relationship with it. Now my other favorite character is mentioned only in passing in the subsequent books while their darling daughter is tooling around with the rest of the fam-fam who didn't give a damn about saving her GOOD OL' POPS. So besides being bitter about it (DID YOU GUYS KNOW I WAS BITTER COULD YOU TELLOLOLOLOL), what do I do? I fix it.

Enter these mini-fics and this fanmix!

(NOTE: The 12 little mini-fanfics/story jr.'s in this fanmix are not in any kind of order and don't link to each other. Just a warning now before the, "IS THE TIMELINE WACK HERE OR WUT?" stuff happens.)
 

... one of these days letters are gonna fall from the sky
telling us all to go free
but until that day I'll find a way
to let everybody know that you're coming back,
you're coming back for me
'cause even though you left me here
I have nothing left to fear ...

   The Queen Mother of Hapes had taken a vacation of sorts from her duty. It had been a good solid week or two since Prince Isolder and Jacen Solo had died. A week or two since her father and her lover were killed. The Council granted her a few days to take a break and instead of relaxing on some beach or at some fancy exotic resort, Tenel Ka had taken a small entourage of one advisor and two bodyguards to Yavin IV.

   They were currently back on the luxury ship they had forced her to take, which was docked in the hangar of the old Jedi Temple. She told them she would be fine out here alone. There was no danger here. Of course, it was different than how she remembered it since the Yuuzhan Vong had had their way with it, but some things were still recognizable. There was the tree Jacen had hid some of his animals in when Raynar was looking for them, the circle of stones they used to sit around on cool nights... Tenel Ka had even found an extremely worn holo of the two of them in Jacen's old quarters.

   It was her second day there and she had planted herself on a small outcropping of gray rock that jutted out over a pond. They had all used to swim in the pond on hot days. Jacen and Tenel Ka used to drop any brightly colored rocks they found down to the bottom and then dive down to see who could retrive the most in one breath.

   The day before, Tenel Ka had found their stash of rocks. They had buried them next to a tree close to the pond on their last day at the Academy. She had remembered the spot exactly and dug them up, sifting through them with her fingers. There was his favorite pale green one (he always managed to find that one first underwater), and the jagged pink rock, and the slightly teal rock that he had found for her on the banks, among others. That night she had thrown them all in the pond, sniffling slightly as each one sank to the bottom and vanished from her view.

   Curiously though, the second morning she had gone back out to the pond and found the rocks sitting where she had herself planted now, on the outcropping of rock that hung over the pond. She was staring at the pebbles in her hand and wondering exactly how they had returned from the bottom of the body of water. Glancing around, she heightened her senses. She couldn't hear anyone, she didn't see anyone. She didn't feel anyone around her. She could faintly sense her bodyguards and her advisor back on the ship, but that was it.

   As she concentrated, Tenel Ka began to feel a light rain settle over her. She only managed to break out of her trance when the rain started getting harder and a fork of lightning flashed through the leaves above her. Thunder soon followed, almost instantly, and a wind suddenly picked up that made her shield her eyes with her forearm. She closed them moments later.

   Jacen used to love storms like these. She recalled it vividly: she, herself, standing under the large and low fronds of the trees watching while Jacen would sprint out to the clearings and throw his arms out to his sides, tilting his face towards the sky. The lightning would flash and light up his features for a brief moment and Tenel Ka would see that his eyes were shut and his mouth was open in a huge grin. She was always able to hear his delighted laughter too, before the thunder came. He would spin around and then try to get her to come out into the storm with him. Occasionally, she did.

   She remembered how excited he would get and how he would pull her out into the clearing and wrap his arms around her (usually apologizing profusely later for being so forward) and spin them both around. One time she had even fed off of his excitement so much that she leaned forward and kissed him. He had been in a daze the rest of the day.

   This was one of those storms. Jacen's storms.

   When she opened her eyes, squinting again against the strong breeze, Tenel Ka swore she actually was seeing him through the rain. He was in the water ahead of her, floating on his back in the almost violent weather, his expression calm and peaceful, his eyes closed. She stared at him for a long set of heartbeats and the storm slowed, finally coming to a halt, leaving the forest in a gray, ethereal light. Tenel Ka tightened her grip on the small rocks in her hand.

   She watched him open his eyes and send a ripple through the water around him as he turned his head to look up at where she crouched on the rock above him. Their gazes locked for a moment that felt like it lasted longer than it did and with that he shut his eyes again and sunk, the water completely enveloping him.

   Tenel Ka reflexively screamed his name and with no solid thought of her actions beforehand, pushed her feet off of the rock and dove into the water headfirst.

   She opened her eyes underwater, instantly recognizing the shape and depth of the pond, along with the little nooks along the walls. Turning her head from side to side, slowed by the liquid around her, Tenel Ka saw nothing. Just water, the packed dirt of the pond walls and the giant stones along the bottom. She heard nothing except the beating of her heart. She kept looking though, for as long as she could before her system started burning and begging for oxygen.

   When she broke the surface, sucking in a lungful of forest air, she was surprised to feel a strong warmth across her face. Finally opening her eyes as she treaded water, she had to squint against the brilliant sunlight that suddenly pulsed through the trees and brush. Mere minutes before the sky had been alive with an angry storm. Thunder, lightning, heavy winds...

   "Jacen..."

   She stopped treading water and let herself relax, floating on her back and staring at the treetops. Her breath came back to her quickly and she shut her eyes and soaked up the warmth above her. Finally releasing her grip on the brightly colored pebbles, she let them drift to the bottom once more.

   He was dead, he had passed. But she knew that he would never really leave her. They had something strong together and Tenel Ka knew that Jacen wouldn't forget that, even in death.
 

... it was so like you to visit me
to let me know you were ok
it was so like you to visit me
you always worried about someone else

at your funeral I was so upset
so upset so upset
in your life you were larger than this
statue-statuesque ...     

   Take as much time as you want.

   That's what Jaina had told her. Tenel Ka wasn't sure if she really meant it, but hopefully she had. It had already been a good while since they let her into the sterile medbay where Jacen's body was. Tenel Ka refused to refer to it as Caedus' body. It was never his, never. She knew that presence had been inside Jacen, warped him into something horrible, but it had left him at the end. She felt it at the last moment before his life had blinked out. She felt Jacen through their connection, strong and bright, for the last time. It hurt.

   She was sitting beside him now, her chin quivering and her eyes pressed shut. His body was bare, marked, vulnerable. There were violent scars on it she didn't recognize and didn't want to recognize or think too much about. But there were also things she did recognize, a healed over injury on his chin from when he tripped over a tree root on Yavin IV in his early teenage years, a mess of freckles on his shoulders -- skin she remembered running her fingers over on more than a few occasions. A bright white cloth was draped over his lower half, from his stomach down and a few toes poked out past the bottom. He had grown so tall.

   "I should have known... I should have helped you, Jacen." She had pulled a stool up to the table and sat beside him, where she was now, with her hand resting on his chest. His skin was cold. "I am so sorry."

   Leaning forward, pushing any morbid thought out of her mind, she planted a chaste kiss at the corner of his lips. As she pulled back, she inhaled, expecting a clean, cool, medical sort of smell. But no, what she smelled was a scent she had grown so used to, so in love with. She remembered its presence when Jacen kept her from twisting her ankle on the lower levels of Coruscant and pulled her close to him. She remembered it when he had been in the secret grove with her, sharing information about the Killiks and the call they put out. She remembered it all the nights they shared in her bed, as she fell asleep with her head tucked between his shoulder and his cheek -- that scent clung to her sheets for days after he had left.

   He was dead, he had been dead for some time now... how did he still possess that scent?

   Quickly pushing away from him, Tenel Ka stumbled from her seat and moved across the room, steeling herself on the edge of a white countertop covered in medical instruments. She shut her eyes, and exhaled and inhaled quickly, trying to rid her nose of that scent. She was imagining things, she had to be.

   "Hey," a voice called out. "What's wrong?"

   Twisting her head and pushing a violent exhale from her lips and nose, Tenel Ka's jaw fell at the sight of Jacen Solo leaning up, resting his weight on his elbow. He was still dreadfully pale--

   "You okay?" He paused. Reaching his hand down, he shifted the white cloth further over him. "Sorry I'm not really dressed for a reunion, Your Majesty." He laughed, an effortless sort of chuckle. The kind he was always the best at.

   "Tenel Ka..."

   She could feel her head shaking and her vision going momentarily blurry. Her grip on the countertop behind her tightened.

   "Tenel Ka!"

   Her eyes flew open at the curt mention of her name and as she looked up, she saw Jaina Solo standing at the door, her brandy-brown gaze sad and her lips pursed. That was when Tenel Ka realized she had fallen asleep with her head on Jacen's chest, like she had done so many nights in the past. This time though, this time she never felt the comforting rise and fall of his chest with each deep breath, or the arms around her, one hand rubbing her back and one playing with her hair.

   There was none of that left and there never would be any more.
 

... lie to me
when everything is wrong you make me
try to see
when the only truth is all I’m feeling
I believe
the future holds no bounds for this love
come inside and if you don’t feel the same
then lie to me ...

   They had returned to Yavin IV the funeral for Jacen Solo, which was a well-attended event. It wasn't broadcast anywhere, there weren't invites sent out, there was no announcement. The only thing it had going was word of mouth.

   Han and Leia were almost surprised how many people showed up. They saw many people and beings from their past including Kyle Katarn, Danni Quee, Kyp Durron, Tekli, at least six barabels... they were surprised Jacen's reign as Caedus didn't drive everyone away. There seemed to be some resentment in some of the speeches made, but nothing overly obnoxious. Everyone seemed to nod in agreement whenever anyone mentioned what a wonderful person Jacen had been before his fall. Han and Leia (Leia especially) were happy that people chose to remember the good in their oldest son.

   Jaina had even stood up to speak for a bit. What she said was surprisingly lengthy and poignant and she shocked over half the beings in attendance when she got too choked up to finish and left the podium, rushing back to her seat and burying her head in her mother's shoulder.

   Han Solo had been keeping a watchful eye out on the crowd. He was ready for some upstart, some crazy to begin babbling about everything Caedus had done. Much to Leia's dismay, Han had brought his trusty blaster along with him in case one of those beings should happen to show themselves. This was a funeral for his son, not the thing his son had been taken over by.

   Grand Master Luke Skywalker was up now, and Han let his eyes wander as he listened to his brother-in-law speak about Jacen. He mentioned all he had done in the war with the Yuuzhan Vong and all he had done to get Ben, Luke's own son, out of his shell when he was little. He then moved into younger territory, speaking about what an amazing and curious child Jacen had been at the Academy. He spoke of the boy's animal menagerie and how he cared so well for each one, he spoke about how Jacen used to listen intently to other students and help when they had problems, he spoke about the jokes Jacen used to tell to everyone...

   That was when Han saw movement out of the corner of his eye. His hand went directly to a spot near his blaster, but dropped when he realized what the movement had been. He watched as the Queen Mother of Hapes, Tenel Ka, pushed away from her seat on the aisle and hurried to the back of the Great Hall, exiting through the double doors. He looked to Leia, who was already staring at him with a look of worry on her face. Han felt her shift, knowing she was about to stand and follow Tenel Ka, but Han stopped her, gently pushing her back into her seat and standing himself. He raised his eyebrows at her and forced a weak smile before turning and following the path Tenel Ka had taken moments earlier.

   As he moved, his mind raced to his kids. With every child Han and Leia had themselves, it seemed like they gained at least one or two more. They cared for Tahiri Veila like their own, especially after their youngest, Anakin, had died. Zekk and Kyp Durron were both orphans, each one welcomed into the Solo family at one point or another and both excited to finally have some sense of home. As for Tenel Ka, Leia and Han always saw her like a daughter. She always put that silly grin on Jacen's face. She was always with their kids. She was always there for them. Leia had said to Han years earlier, once Jacen returned from Yuuzhan'tar, that she hoped Tenel Ka might be their daughter-in-law one day. Once they found out the truth about Allana, Han remembered that Leia cried for just over an hour out of something between pure joy and absolute sadness. They gained a granddaughter but their son had been so far gone.

   He found her, what he now considered his daughter-in-law no matter what (politics and laws be damned), outside under the canopy of trees. Han shoved his hands in his pockets and watched her shoulders shake quietly. He was almost nervous about speaking up and disturbing her and he wondered sickly whether this was what Jacen had felt like when he was younger and went up to talk to her.

   Han noted quietly that she was wearing black. Sure, most of the attendees were in dark colors, it was natural. But Han didn't feel comfortable with Tenel Ka, specifically, in black. He was used to her in blues, or greens -- some sort of armor, even a nice brown he would've been fine with. She was always sporting some sort of color, that's just how she was. It was her cultures meshing, her style, it was her. But this, no, this made it fully sink in for Han. Tenel Ka was wearing black.

   Jacen Solo was dead.

   "You... you okay, Your Highness?"

   The simple gown of ebony shimmered in the diffused sunlight as she spun around to face him, quickly dragging her right arm across her eyes in a rushed and unneeded fashion to try to mask the tears. She wasn't sure why she was trying to hide it from anyone, especially Han Solo, especially now, but Tenel Ka never felt comfortable letting her emotions show. Her arm fell to her side, her posture loosened and she opened her mouth to say something to Jacen's father... but nothing came out.

   "Hey, hey, kid." Han crossed the small clearing to where Tenel Ka stood and without warning wrapped her up in his arms. It was just in time too, he thought. Another round of sobs started from her, now muffled by his shoulder. He didn't mind, not at all. His shirt was covered in the tears of others from that day. Leia, Jaina, Lowbacca, Tahiri -- he had even used the collar of his shirt to wipe his own away at one point. "Shhh... it's okay, Tenel Ka. Come on, Jacen wouldn't want you to be crying like this, huh?"

   He didn't expect an answer to his question, but he felt her shake her head against his chest and he smiled faintly. Reaching back, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her back a little bit, looking down into her bloodshot eyes. She seemed to flinch, and Han had no idea it was because he was wearing a lopsided grin, one that his son had inherited from him -- one that Tenel Ka had enjoyed so much. The expression she was wearing caused the grin to melt from his face and shift into a crooked frown. She looked so worn out. So gone.

   "Leia and I don't like seeing you like this. I'm sure Jacen wouldn't want to see you like this either. I know you're stronger than this." He had placed a few calloused fingers under her chin and was pulling it upwards -- he felt his stomach drop at the way her tears glinted in the sunlight. His heart had been aching all day and he didn't think it could get any worse, but this exchange was doing just that. Tenel Ka and Jacen had always reminded Han of Leia and himself in a way. The clever boy going after the princess and stopping at nothing until he had her in his arms. Her tears right now were showing him that nothing was invincible. Everything could be easily torn apart by something, even love.

   Across the clearing, in the shade of the entrance to the old Temple, Leia Organa Solo watched her husband and Tenel Ka with a hand over her mouth. She thought she had already cried all the tears she could, but the sight she was watching now caused another flood to arrive. She cried for Tenel Ka and the fact that she lost the man she loved, she cried for the fact that Allana had lost her father... she watched quietly as Han placed his hands on either side of the Queen Mother's face and kissed her forehead.

   At the moment his lips met her skin, Leia felt something on her own. It was like hands were on her face and something had brushed her forehead. The touch was soft and warm, it was welcome. She inhaled deeply and blinked, shifting away from where she had been leaning on the oversized frame of the entrance. That was when she felt something pass by her, a breeze rustled her hair, which reached down to the small of her back, and a jolt of energy went through her arm where something slipped by her.

   Turning around, she lost her breath at what she saw. Her oldest son was standing in the entranceway of the Temple. His eyes were sad but his lips were upturned in a weak smile. He blew her a kiss and waved slowly before vanishing from her sight. Leia turned back towards the clearing and saw that Han had Tenel Ka wrapped up in his arms again. She only hesitated a moment before crossing the clearing and joining them.
 

... in the simple places that are hid beneath your clothes
calm touching
calm touching brings results ...

   Oh come on, does he really think that line will work? Tenel Ka, tell me you're not falling for this.

   Tenel Ka had been listening to this chiding voice in her ear all night. The tone was playful. It was familiar, it was jovial. It was Jacen's.

   Jacen Solo had died six months prior.

   One of Hapes many banquets was taking place that night and she was making her rounds, greeting people and getting approached by suitors. Many of them. They figured she was still in what they thought was a vulnerable and fragile state. Her father and her daughter dying? Oh, Your Majesty, I have so much to offer you, physically and emotionally. Please, let us spend some time together. Right.

   The voice spoke up heavily during times like these. And Tenel Ka welcomed it.

   Look at that one, Tenel Ka! What is he wearing? Oh wait, wait, he's coming up to you. Can't wait to hear this one.

   The voice was worth it. It made her smile. It was probably not healthy to be listening to it so long after Jacen Solo had died, but at this point Tenel Ka didn't care. She needed something to make her job bearable. Over the weeks after she had first heard it, she tried to push it away from her and close herself off from it, she tried to get rid of it. But after awhile she realized it wasn't what she first thought it was -- it wasn't her grief manifesting itself in a certain fashion (which is what Master Skywalker and Cilghal had suggested it was), no. It was actually Jacen Solo. Everyone just thought she was still grieving -- they all thought the process and what had happened had almost driven her insane.

   She never mentioned any of it again to anyone. Not Master Skywalker. Not Jacen's parents. Not even to Allana.

   Mmmm, quit playing with your hair like that,Your Majesty. You know how I feel when you do that.

   Tenel Ka brought her fingers away from the loose curl that had fallen from the bun atop her head and let her hand rest on the table in front of her.

   She learned many things over the course of the months following his death -- about this voice and the Force and how he managed to manipulate it even after his death. He could watch her and speak to her in her head. There were other things he had managed to do. But he usually couldn't bring himself to do multiple things at once yet.

   I'm still learning all that, Your Worship. Don't worry, you'll be the first to know when I can, he had echoed in her head once.

   She sat on her balcony later that night, after the banquet and the never ending line of suitors (none of which were in her company now -- they never were because she never invited them), enjoying the silence. She closed her eyes and breathed in the cool air. Her fingers had grown restless again and were back at that same loose curl, running the strands over her fingertips.

   Instead of hearing his voice now, he manifested in another way. Feeling something along her shoulders, Tenel Ka opened her eyes and turned her head to look behind her. She could vaguely see his form; it seemed like a mere shadow shifting around the stone balcony to stand in front of her. He was very faint and seemed to almost flicker in and out of her eyesight. He was difficult to see, but he definitely wasn't difficult to feel. One hand of his was around her fingers almost instantly, pulling them away from her hair, while the other grabbed the belt around her gown. He pulled her to her feet and for a moment he flickered in, and she could see the grin across his face and the flush in his cheeks.

   He was still very faint, a shadow. But she could feel every shift he made, she could feel warmth radiating from where she knew he was and she could suddenly feel his lips pressed hungrily against hers. She stumbled with his manifestation inside, pulling the balcony doors shut behind her.

   She knew if someone saw her drifting around the room with an armful of nothing, her sanity would come into question once more. For weeks after Jacen Solo had died, she had questioned her own sanity. But after hearing his voice on occasion, then seeing him on occasion and times like now where she could only feel him, she knew full well that she was perfectly sane and she also knew full well that she was as content as she could be under the circumstances that surrounded her.

   She was almost at ease.
 

... the different stars tonight will somehow fade the same
and all the tears we cry tell us were made the same
if we should fall aside, lets hope we fall in place
we build our different lives, but they all break the same ...

   "Taryn, get back here." Trista Zel reached out and grabbed her sister's arm, pulling her away from the corner of the corridor. They had been heading to the outer grounds of the palace for guard duty and froze when they heard something in the adjacent hallway. It was Tenel Ka. She was crying. Trista had swallowed a mouthful of dry air and pressed herself against the wall, shutting her eyes against the sound. Taryn had continued to peer around the corner.

   Taryn had watched the Queen Mother, her arm was resting on the wall and her face buried against it. Then she had stared as the normally composed woman twisted around, pressing her back against the wall and sliding down it. Taryn saw her face momentarily. It was red, tear-streaked, locked in an expression of anguish. She sunk down and draped her arm over her knees, shoving her head back into the cocoon she had made with her body. The blue fabric of her gown sat around her, wrinkled and contorted. Taryn could just barely hear the quiet sobs coming from the Queen Mother.

   Her father had just died. Her lover had just died. Her child had been given away to be taken care of.

   None of those things were really public knowledge. But Trista and Taryn were close friends of the Queen Mother, they were family. And they were family that Tenel Ka actually trusted. So they knew things.

   Tenel Ka's lover had murdered her father, her lover had been killed and their child had been given to his parents for her own safety. Then she had to lie to her people and tell them her daughter had died. The devils were always in the details, Taryn mused solemnly. She pulled back and let her eyes drift to her sister.

   The Zel twins knew that this emotional release was needed. But one sister didn't think that it happening in a quiet corridor of the Fountain Palace was the best place.

   "We have to help her, get her to her chambers or something." Taryn finally shook her sister's hand off.

   "She wouldn't want us to see her like this."

   "So what if someone else comes along and sees her like this?! It's not like this is exactly a private sector of the Palace here."

   As they argued back and forth, the only pause came when someone approached them from the very corridor Taryn had been watching. The Zel twins turned, their mouths agape as they looked into the face of the very person they had been fighting over. The Queen Mother stood by them, leaning against the corner of the wall Taryn had been peeking around. The tears were gone, but her face was still blotched with red and her eyes were slightly puffy. Reaching into a pouch under one of the folds of her gown, she pulled out a small compact and took a moment to dab at the discolorations on her face. She straightened her posture, blinked a few times and held her head up, then reached out to Taryn and squeezed her shoulder, nodding to Trista as well.

   "Thank you," she whispered hoarsely, before inhaling deeply and setting off down the hallway to the main hall of the Palace.
 

[ instrumental ]

   The girl never really seemed to have a rebellious teenage phase, which she herself was thankful for. Some of her friends were getting a sort of snotty attitude about the galaxy in general. Allana distanced herself from those people and usually found herself hanging out with her grandparents or her Aunt Jaina and Uncle Jag. Occasionally Uncle Zekk, Uncle Lowbacca and Aunt Tahiri took her out for caf or dinner or dessert -- or all three. That was always fun too.

   Right now she was with one of her favorite people though. It comforted her to be in the woman's presence and it always brought back a flood of memories.

   "Mom, did you see Trisdan earlier?"

   "Oh, that one's persistant. He has been at my heels for years."

   "Why don't you get rid of him?"

   The Queen Mother looked to her daughter, eyebrows raised and lips upturned slightly. "And how do you propose I do that, Amelia?"

   Allana laughed. It was good to see her mother almost smiling for once. Whenever she saw her on the holonews she looked tired, serious and completely worn out. Reaching forward, past the small cup of steaming caf in front of her, she grabbed her mother's right hand and squeezed it gently. The small upturn of her mother's lips grew into a genuine grin and Allana leaned back, turning her head to peer out the tall windows along the chamber wall.

   Watching her daughter, Queen Mother Tenel Ka sighed quietly. Visits from Allana were like visits from the girl's father had been. Few and far between, full of emotion and very secret. She turned back and Tenel Ka saw her own eyes looking back at her -- and she knew if Allana didn't still have the black dye in her hair to help keep her identity a secret, she'd be looking at a head of wild copper hair too.

   "Mom, you know I'm fifteen now."

   "Yes, what of it?" Tenel Ka snapped out of the slight trance she had fallen into and absently wondered why Allana had-- "Oh, the Jedi robes. Of course."

   Allana grinned. Her mother had promised to give her the old Jedi robes she had worn sometimes at the Academy when she was that age. When Tenel Ka promised them to her, she always wondered (in a silent amused sort of way) if Allana would end up meeting a handsome, young man with a penchant for jokes while wearing them, much like she had.

   Tenel Ka stood and took a quick sip of caf before disappearing from the room back into the massive closet she never seemed to use much unless she absolutely had too. Handmaidens were usually in here picking out gowns and polishing shoes and doing a whole slew of other things Tenel Ka said numerous times they didn't need to do but still did. Moving to the back of the wardrobe, Tenel Ka knelt down and pushed the bottom hems of some dresses away, revealing a large trunk. She punched the code in the front and it opened automatically, the lid lifting and moving back to reveal clothing and trinkets from times Tenel Ka felt were ages ago.

   Rummaging through the chest, she shifted a set of her old rancor-hide armor out of the way and pulled the Jedi robes out, setting them on the ground beside her. Something had glinted below the robes, something that caught her eye and made her freeze. She saw the gort eggshell necklace Jacen had made for her atop a pile of green silk.

   I thought I left that in the vanity drawer...

   She reached down and pulled at it, the green silk caught on the necklace and coming up with it. Once she pulled the items out, she realized the green silk was the nightgown she had worn the first night Jacen had stayed over, during the Killik crisis. Tenel Ka quickly banished the flush from her face at the sight of it and peered back into the trunk. There was a datapad resting there now; it had been hidden under the nightgown.

   Tenel Ka grabbed the small device and flipped the switch on the side. The life in it was almost drained and the screen was so dim that it was almost unreadable. But she could make out what it said across the screen in big, faint letters.

   Your Worship(s),

   Please watch the attached.

   - with love.

   In the storage compartment along the back of the datapad, Tenel Ka found a holotape. It looked worn and old, a bit scratched up, but it was apparent that it would still work. Placing the nightgown back in the chest, she took the holotape and the necklace in one hand and the robes under her arm, then meandered out to the main chamber, back into the gaze of her daughter.

   "Mom, are you okay? You look like you..." Allana trailed off as Tenel Ka dropped the robes on the table between them and met her daughter's eyes.

   "Come with me."

   Allana stood and followed her mother to the dim communications chamber attached to the Queen Mother's salon. She watched as Tenel Ka shut the door behind them and then waited for a scan of the room to be complete before she sat down beside where Allana had seated herself.

   "What is it?" Allana whispered quietly, even though the scan came up negative for any interference or foreign equipment.

   Without a response, Tenel Ka leaned forward and placed the holotape in one of the slots, a screen in front of them flickering to life. The holoscreen was the only light in the room and it showed a man, from the shoulders up, with a head of brown hair and eyes like Alderaanian brandy.

   "Hi girls," his voice started, quiet and shaky. "I... I..." The recording shook his head and inhaled deeply before speaking again. "I'm worried about the direction the galaxy is going in and I've told myself that I need to do something to fix it. I need to make it better. It needs me. I just... Tenel Ka, I want a galaxy that's safe for our daughter to live in. I have a plan and in my head and it seems like it could work. Hm, I feel like my dad here a bit, I'm just gonna go for it. I mean... that's what the Solos do best, right?"

   His smile, that smile, showed itself on the screen and Tenel Ka pressed her lips into a thin line. He had recorded this before Caedus.

   "Hi Allana!" The recording of Jacen spoke up again suddenly, after a brief pause where he seemed to compose himself. "Hopefully I'm sitting here watching this with you and you can tell me what a nerfherder I am and how I was silly to record it. But... I... I just wanted to tell you that I know you're gonna grow up to be a wonderful young lady, beautiful and smart, just like your mother..."

   Glancing over to her daughter, Tenel Ka could see the tears forming in her eyes. She looked away quickly, but it was too late; they were rising in her own now as well. Jacen drifted off and his tone seemed to change when he spoke up again.

   "I'm a little afraid of what could happen, so I just wanted to record this to tell you both that whatever happens... I'm doing this for you. And I love you both very much. More than anything. And I'm not sure when you'll find this."

   They watched Jacen's head tilt and a smile cross his face. His eyes were glazed over a bit and locked onto something random off-camera. It was like he was remembering something from a long while ago.

   "I know you don't go in that chest much, Tenel Ka."

   He looked back to the camera and Tenel Ka felt herself tense. Those eyes. How she missed those eyes.

   "I don't know where I'll be when this is all over. I'm hoping it's with both of you. Whether it's in the Fountain Palace or on a sofa in some quiet, little house on Dantooine. I just want us to be together. The three of us. And if we aren't..."

   They watched him swallow and blink back what could only be tears, his hand drifting up to his mouth momentarily.

   "If we aren't I just want you both to know that I'll always be with you. Always. Tenel Ka, I've loved you since the Jedi Academy. I know I was gawky and awkward then and I probably didn't really know what the Corellian Hells love was, but there was a feeling there and it's grown so much since then -- I know now what that feeling was. I want to thank you for giving me the time of day, giving me a chance, listening to my jokes. I want to thank you for being you. For everything. I love you and I'll never stop loving you. Never.

   "Allana, stay strong and curious and never stop learning. I love you more than you'll ever know. And I'm sure your mother doesn't show it much, but she loves you too. I want nothing more than to be able to teach you how to use a lightsaber, and hone your Force skills, and I want to go to the zoo with you, and... I want nothing more than to grow old with your mother and watch you grow up and become a Jedi Knight and get married. I want to spoil my grandkids rotten too. So just... I love you, Allana."

   He stopped talking. For a good standard minute or two he stared down to the ground. When he finally looked back up, Tenel Ka realized he had been trying not to cry. She remembered fondly how horrible he had been at hiding his emotions.

   "Guess that's all. Hope to see you both soon. Stay safe, princesses."

   He gently touched his fingers to his lips and let a kiss drift towards the holo-camera before leaning forward and shutting it off, plunging the communications room back into darkness.

   "He knew," Tenel Ka murmured. "He knew... he was going to..."

   Allana reached over and wrapped her arms around Tenel Ka, pulling her close and pressing her head into her neck. She could still feel tears coming from her own eyes, but she knew this time was different. Allana hadn't scraped her knee and cried to her Mama for a bacta patch. Allana's pet crystal snake hadn't died and Mama wasn't comforting her bawling form till she fell asleep, no. It was her mother's turn to cry. It was Allana's turn to do something her father had been so good at.

   This was the first time Allana had ever seen her mother cry.

   And Tenel Ka had lost count of how many times Allana had reminded her of Jacen. The fact that Allana was more concerned with her mother's emotional stability than her own at that moment made Tenel Ka ache even harder for what they had lost. Watching the holotape just made it hurt even worse, even though years had passed. They had lost a lover, a thinker, a fighter and a father. They had lost Jacen Solo.
 

[ instrumental ]

   Her momma had told her to come out onto the balcony of their quarters. It was almost Allana's bedtime but any excuse not to go to sleep made the girl happy. She wandered towards the open doors but instead of her mother's proud silhouette standing alone, she saw two shapes. One was unmistakeably her momma... the other one...

   Both of them shifted, moving against the night sky when they realized she was there and Allana heard her mother's voice, quiet but firm, as the Queen Mother padded back in from the balcony.

   "Allana, someone is here to see us."

   She was startled when the other silhouette moved forward into the dim light of the chambers, his face suddenly illuminated. It was a face she recognized all too well -- one that used to scare her. But there was no sneer on it, no smirk like she had remembered. There was a smile. And instead of pale orange eyes, Allana's frightened gaze was met with a warm set of chocolate orbs. There were no frown lines set into his forehead or crinkles around his eyes because he narrowed them too much. This wasn't the man Jedi Jacen had turned into. This was Jedi Jacen. It was daddy.

   "The stars are bright tonight, Allana." He held his arms out. His hands. She could see his hands. They weren't covered by those cold, black leather gloves. "You want to come look at them with us?"

   Us. Us. She glanced from her mother's face -- which held a restrained, delicate smile -- to her father's. Allana wasn't sure why us sounded so wonderful and right when it referred to her, her momma and her daddy, since she was never with them when they were together and happy, but she didn't hesitate to rush across the carpet into his open arms.

   He swept her up and out onto the balcony, her mother joining them, and the three looked up to the night sky. Night was short on Hapes and Allana was never up late enough to see it like this. She gasped at the millions of stars she seemed to see and for a moment, before she was distracted by the sky again, she swore she saw her momma put her head on her father's shoulder. She felt a foreign feeling bubbling up inside of her. For once, Allana knew what it felt like to be content.
 

... and with two suns spinning
at two different speeds
was born a hot, white diamond
burning through the rainbow
flames fell into orbit
to hold eternally
two heavenly spirits
that just wouldn't seam

to be made of glass
when two suns are shining
the battle becomes blinding
to be made of glass ...

   There were scars Tenel Ka didn't recognize on his arms, on his back, his legs. There was a small one over his left eyebrow and a long thin one at the small of his back. He could feel her muted shock as her eyes took them in for the first time. Sprawled out on her bed under the sheets what seemed like so long ago, they used to joke about how they knew each other's bodies all too well.

   His was almost foreign to her now. He was waiting for her to comment, to make some observation or statement about the scars. But no.

   She just leaned closer to him and lifted her right hand to his arm, where her fingertips gently shifted across a healed gash that was present on his skin. There was no comment, just the silent promise that she would soon know him - physically and mentally - as well as she used to.

   Jacen finally managed to look into her eyes for the first time since he entered her quarters that night. He had felt awkward and out of place, like he didn't deserve to be there ever again. But when he caught her gaze and felt her fingers move up to trace his lips, he realized he was right where he should be. Without a second thought, he kissed her fingertips, then hoped afterwards that she wouldn't recoil. She didn't. Her palm trailed down his neck, where her arm slipped around his shoulders. He felt her pull herself to him and absently responded by finally wrapping his arms around her waist for the first time in what seemed like forever. He was where he belonged.

   I missed you.

   I missed you too.

   He was home.
 

... who is the man I see
where I'm supposed to be?
I lost my heart, I buried it too deep
under the iron sea

oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
save us all, tell me life is beautiful
mirror, mirror on the wall ...

   "Come on, come on! B'fore the boat catches us!" The little girl squealed and patted her father's back frantically. Between giggles, she looked behind her and grabbed handfuls of the now drenched shirt the man had on.

   He picked his head up out of the shallow water, where he had been shuffling around on his stomach along the bottom of the stone fountain, and flipped his damp hair out of his eyes, water flying above them and raining back down. "How close are they?!"

   "Too close!" Allana jumped off of him and waded into the water, shifting to the middle of the fountain. "We have to do something!"

   Standing up, the water only reaching the middle of his shins, Jacen Solo widened his eyes and looked behind his daughter. "We better hurry, they're still coming."

   "What do we do now?"

   He crouched down in a dramatic fashion, herding her onto his back. "We run." Waiting for her to get a good grip on his shoulders, Jacen latched his arms under her knees and stood up, stepping out of the fountain and bolting down the northern corridor, both of them leaving a prominent trail of water along the plush carpet behind them.

   Preparing to turn a corner, Jacen stopped short, drops of water flying from the tips of his matted hair into the face of the Queen Mother of Hapes. One sat daintily on her cheekbone yet she didn't even seem to notice it. She was too busy trying to piece together what was happening.

   "I could hear your voices echoing all the way..." Tenel Ka trailed off as she looked them both up and down before moving her gaze behind them along the water trail. "What...?"

   "We went for a swim, Your Majesty." Jacen said. He motioned back behind him with his chin, his hands busy keeping Allana from sliding off of his back.

   "In the... in the fountain?" Tenel Ka found her eyes moving between the fountain down the hall behind them, her daughter's beaming face and the faint tinge of pink in Jacen's cheeks. She hadn't seen him blush in years. She couldn't remember exactly when, but she knew it had been years -- it had definitely been before Caedus.

   "There's pirates in there, Mama!"

   "Yeah," Jacen grinned, nodding in agreement with their daughter. "Fountain pirates!"

   Water fixtures were a staple of the Fountain Palace, they were decoration and they were all over the place. Tenel Ka figured it was about time someone got an actual use out of them.

   "What are we waiting for then? They need to be banished." Tenel Ka kicked her sandals off where she stood and then dashed past them towards the fountain, leaving them both to exchange a surprised glance and a wide smile before following the Queen Mother into the water.
 

... the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
you left me in the dark
no dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
in the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
and knew that somehow I could find my way back
then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
so I stayed in the darkness with you ...

   Looking at the chrono that sat on the nightstand, the green glow showed her that there was a rough forty-five minutes before she had to wake up and start pushing through her daily routine. Training, ruling, decision-making, meetings, all the stuff that came with being the Queen Mother of Hapes. It was never what she wanted, but it was now something she didn't mind since she had her family by her side.

   Allana had woken her up early because of a nightmare. She usually woke her father up when it came to those, but this time she had specifically gone to her mother.

   And it had only been because the nightmare had been about her father.

   Tenel Ka reassured her that the man her father once was had vanished for good and Allana never had to worry about that again. The little girl seemed alright with her mother's words and was put fully at ease when Tenel Ka shifted and pulled Allana up onto the bed to show her. Jacen Solo was sprawled out on the other side of the bed, his head tilted back and his arm and leg hanging off the side. The part that really made Allana giggle though was the fact that her father's mouth was hanging wide open and he was snoring.

   "He sounds like a tauntaun," she hissed.

   "He does." Tenel Ka brushed Allana's hair back from her forehead and kissed her temple. "You have nothing to worry about, Allana. I promise. And he promises too, I know he does. He is Jedi Jacen again. And he is and always will be your father. That man you knew before is gone for good."

   This all put Allana in a better mood and she crawled out of her mother's lap and over to Jacen, where she kissed his nose and crawled over him, jumping to the floor and padding back to her room down the hall. Tenel Ka watched Jacen stir slowly from the mild commotion and turn on his side to face her. His eyes were still closed, but his snoring had trailed off a bit.

   Forty-three minutes now until Tenel Ka was officially supposed to be awake. She spent a few of those thinking about Allana's dream and then decided she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. Sliding off of the bed, she paused when her feet hit the floor.

   "Where do you think you're going, Highnessssss?" The last letter was drawn out in a still half-asleep hiss.

   Turning her head, Tenel Ka rested her chin against her shoulder and peered behind her. Jacen was awake now, his head propped in his hand. His eyes were heavy-lidded and his hair was a crooked nest on his head.

   "To take a shower."

   "Come back to bed," he said.

   "Allana had a nightmare about you... about Caedus," she blurted. Tenel Ka didn't know if Allana would tell her father about it or not, but she figured he should know either way. She turned away from him and stood, hearing him rustle around in bed behind her. As she paced around the bed, planning to head to the refresher, she slowed when she realized that he had gotten out from under the sheets and was standing now.

   He stopped her with his hands on her shoulders, pulling her close to him. They stood like that for a few moments before he whispered into the halo of copper at the top of her head. "I'm gonna go tuck Allana back in." His voice lowered to an even quieter volume after that, his lips shifting closer to her ear. "Should I meet you in the shower after that?"

   Jacen felt her tense in his arms before she pushed out of them and looked up to him, shrugging slightly. As she shifted past him, Tenel Ka began pulling at the ties of her nightgown and stopped in the refresher door, glancing back at him. "If you must."

   "Come on, Majesty, of course I must." With a lopsided grin, Jacen turned and meandered down the long hallway to their daughter's room.
 

... I believe in a world that can take you high
I believe in a thought that can touch the sky
I believe in peace and harmony
I believe that you belong to me

If only I could hold you every day
I could undertake a larger mission
I know that "you and I" is hard to say
But broken pieces can't be whole again ...

   It was the second time she had seen him since his recovery. The first had been when he was in the medbay on Coruscant after the fight with his sister -- after Jaina had brought him back. He had been weak, quiet and it almost seemed like he didn't recognize anyone right away.

   This was the second time she had seen him since his recovery, months later. And the first time she had him alone since then.

   They were together in his makeshift apartment on Coruscant. It was almost bare, save for the old furniture the building was able to spare for him. He was staying there until he found somewhere permanent to live. He thought about going to the Jedi Academy. He thought about sprucing up the apartment and staying there for good. He thought about living on a ship in space. Many ideas had run through his head, but they weren't anywhere present now. His mind was focused solely on the the Queen Mother.

   She was seated across the wobbly table from him and he watched her over a spread of Toydarian takeout. It definitely wasn't like the lavish meals she had on Hapes, but he had a feeling she didn't really mind. Plus, right now it was really all he could afford.

   They hadn't said a word to each other since she arrived. He had sent her a message earlier in the day, knowing she would be on Coruscant for some political gathering. The message only asked if she would like to join him for a bite to eat, along with the address. No greeting, no closing. Just the question, the time and the address. She showed up at his door two standard minutes early, much to his surprise. He didn't think she would show at all.

   Motioning with a tilt of his head towards the food, Jacen Solo waited until she began to plate her own food before retrieving his own. Her right hand was hovering over the left side of the table, scooping noodles out of a container and dropping them on her plate. He hesitated, shifting his eyes away from her and reached over to the right to grab a roll. He found his hand clasped over hers instead. She apparently had finished getting her noodles and wanted a roll, just like he had.

   Her skin felt warm and she didn't pull her hand away like he expected her to. Their eyes locked through the rising steam of the food between them.

   "We need to talk," he finally whispered.

   Shifting her hand under his, she grabbed his fingers and gave them a hard, almost painful, squeeze. "After dinner."

   With a firm nod, he pulled his hand and his eyes away from her and looked down to his plate. Her tone was always hard to read, now especially.

   Jacen was quickly reassured when he felt her legs brush up against his under the table. Risking another glance up to her face, he felt comforted to see that there was the slightest shadow of a smile gracing her lips.

   "After dinner then."
 

... underneath your skin again
right below your inner sense
I can tell your hesitance
let me the heal the heart of it

my love
give me your sun red sky blue
love, I'm falling into you
under a sun red sky blue ...

   "And then we saw a nexu and gizka and gilderns and they were flying all around and it was so much fun! Mama, you have to go with us sometime!"

   Tenel Ka watched her daughter run around the main hall of the Jedi Academy, her arms out to her sides like a pair of gildern wings. She went in circles around her feet and then circles around the feet of her chaperone that day, her father, Jacen Solo. He had taken her early that morning to the newly reopened Coruscant Zoo.

   "What else did you see?"

   Allana stopped behind her father, grabbing handfuls of the fabric that made up his pants, and peeked around his side, widening her eyes towards Tenel Ka. "We went in the reptilia house."

   "Oh?" Tenel Ka let her gaze drift from her daughter to Jacen Solo, who had a comforting crooked grin on his face.

   "Daddy showed me the crystal snakes in their cages and he told about how he kept some as pets when he was little. He said you knew them."

   "I did. I remember them all."

   "Mama, can we get a crystal snake for a pet?"

   Tenel Ka instantly noted the way Jacen's face lit up at their daughter's question. He was trying to hide his excitement at the prospect and wasn't doing a very good job of it. Jacen was never good at hiding positive emotions when he was younger and it almost surprised Tenel Ka to see him now, so many years and heartaches and wars later, trying to keep a childish grin from his face. She suddenly had to push a burst of strong emotions away from her.

   "We will see, Allana." Tenel Ka reached around Jacen and tugged gently at her daughter's wrist, motioning down the west corridor of the Academy. "Grandma and Grandpa told me they wanted to see you earlier. They wanted to hear about your trip to the zoo."

   Without another word, Allana rushed off down the corridor as fast as she could, skipping every few steps. Tenel Ka watched her dodge students and teachers before turning to Jacen with raised eyebrows.

   "Did you put her up to asking that?"

   "Of course not!" Jacen looked shocked at the accusation, thinning his lips and snaking his right arm around Tenel Ka's shoulders. He began to lead her towards the cafeteria. "Although, I think it would teach Allana some responsibility and all that. You know, learning how to take care of things..."

   "Right."

   "So can w-- she get one?" He squeezed her shoulder at his verbal slip-up. "I mean, can we get one for her?"

   Despite all they had been through together, and apart during the reign of Darth Caedus, Tenel Ka felt like she was fourteen again. "On occasion I think you, Jacen Solo, never bothered to grow up."

   "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, Your Worship."

   "Of course not."

   It was a relief to have him back. It was comforting. She was happy. And the smile that crossed her face showed it.